Dear Editor,
We humans have been deluded into believing we are the apex of the mammalian line of beings. WRONG.
To examine a few examples, please follow: You can go into just about any pet emporium and see several thousand square feet of foodstuffs made especially and exclusively for our pet animals. This stuff ain’t cheap, folks! Whether it is intended to entice little Barky or Miss Puss, if you are not an animal lover, you’ll gasp at the prices. If you are one of us people who will spend half a week’s wages on Fifi or Fido and not even glance at the price, you are in a special class of people, but not at the top of the pyramid. That treasured spot belongs to Fluffy, Butch and Marmaduke.
Go to the home of any pet fancier (read critter lover), and after taking a good look around, tell me…….does it look like a kiddy day care center because of the plethora of animal toys? Toys? Yes, toys! There will be, without a doubt, at least ten (more likely, twenty) toys for each precious little darling. Are all the photos adorning the walls, of the little darling kitties and puppies? Do the human servants (owners) all speak to the four legged critters in baby talk?
Somewhere in my house, among the things belonging to the fur people is a plaque that reads “The house belongs to Didi Darling and Marvin the Mastiff, we just pay the Mortgage”. Pet owners will just grin and giggle at the cuteness of that little saying. Then they will go get another five dollar treat for the oh-so-cute critter. You can bank on the fact that there are at least four beds for each of the animals and each one is specific to a particular pet.
Size is completely irrelevant to pet owners. A teacup Chihuahua weighing in at a grand 30 ounces will be addressed as Goliath or Hercules or Darth Vader, while a Bull Mastiff or champion Great Dane will be called Teeny or Mouse. Every animal will have its own special sleeping place, but you can bet money that it sleeps with Mommy and Daddy. Does an animal occupy your bed? Even if it is really tiny, does it crowd you out at night and do you willingly go sleep on the couch? Does it wake you during the night to go outside to potty? In the rain? And do you stand out there freezing your whatsis while little Elvis looks for just the right place to go?
Does your ninety pound Rottweiller cower and run to you if it sees a bug? Does your cat drive you nuts at night while it is caroming off the walls (and you) while chasing a tiny moth? Does your five pound Yorkie roar like a lion while trying to tear down the door when someone rings the doorbell? And you think its cute.
When you and your better half go on a vacation trip, does little Helen of Troy have her own travel seat and seat belt and special watering cup and her very own ugly and tattered and precious little Blankey to sleep on? Do you pay exorbitant room prices at pet friendly hotels so you can take the two little Doxies, Brad and Angelina? Do you plan your social and business trips around the schedules and preferences of your furry friends?
Do your little (or huge) fur bearing loved ones eat better than you do? Do you have to remember that Lila Poo doesn’t like tuna and must have wild caught salmon, but that, just last week, you found her eating a part of a dead pigeon?
Do your Vet bills run more than your own medical care does? And you think that is perfectly normal! Do you hesitate to admit to anyone that you spent forty three hundred dollars and sixty cents on the one eyed cat you found starving in a dumpster?
If some or all of these descriptions and questions fit you, and you freely admit that your lot in life is to make your animals happy, then may all the gods of pet heaven smile down on you and your happy fur people in your crazy but happy home. You are a true hero to your beloved animals and a complete puzzle to anyone who is not an animal lover.
Jack Hommel
Golden Valley
