Dear Editor,
We live in an age of addiction and dysfunctional personalities. Lives and families are shattered every day by drug addiction, gambling addictions, pornography, alcoholism and more. Some people have anger issues and live daily lashing out at people and loved ones. Many people have serious mental issues and need help and often refuse to get help. All of these issues and many more can be impactful on friendships and relationships. It takes a lot of patience and work
to survive such a relationship.
Sometimes we hang in there because we feel it’s the noble thing to do. We try to stick with our kids and be there when they need us. We try to hang tight with our parents in their golden years just in case they need us. We stick with a spouse or significant other out of love or a commitment to see life through to the end.
Most of the time we don’t give in unless someone becomes very bad, mean, evil, or is totally wrecking our lives. When this happens then we have to make a decision. How do we stay in relationship with this person? The individual could be a friend, spouse, significant other or a relative. Most people try for a long time but there comes a point if someone is totally wrecking your life then you have to have a serious discussion with the person. If this doesn’t work then you have to go a different direction. You have to make a new plan Stan, as Paul Simon said in a song.
Often making a decision to cut ties with a friend or relative is difficult and painful, but there comes a time when mental sanity requires that you make the difficult decision. Once you have made it then there is usually a feeling of relief. Some guilt may follow but not likely if you tried to be a good and fair person and extend as much grace as possible.
No one goes into marriage thinking about divorce but on occasion the battle to make it work is like saving the Titanic from sinking. It’s not going to happen.
This happens with friends, children, and even parents. I agree, “Nothing is Impossible with God.” Keep in mind that you aren’t God and while you may be committed to him in faith, it takes two people to make a relationship work.
It’s true that winners never quit and quitters never win but winners don’ beat their heads on a fence post either. Try hard. Work hard. Forgive multiple times. Extend grace. Pray. Look to the Bible for guidance. Get counsel. Have long talks. Cry. Try begging. If your life is still swirling downward because of the negativity involving “whoever” the other person is then, “hop on the bus Gus, and drop off the key Lee,” as Simon also said.
As a Christian, I know God doesn’t give up on us and we don’t give up on people. This doesn’t mean we have to be in union with them or continue to be abased personally by their actions.
Live in peace, joy and harmony with all people, as much as possible and all times, if possible, Just realize that maybe pushing a rope is not easy. Changing the course of the Mississippi River might be easier and some people you simply have to release to God and walk away.
Dr. Glenn Mollette
