This is an imperfect simile, but it does hold up; marriage is like a knot.
Now knots are good things in the right setting and, of course, not so good in the wrong.
As a kid, whenever my shoelaces would get all knotted up, I openly lamented the hassle as it usually happened at the most inopportune time. For example, early mornings when the school bus could be heard just around the corner I would quickly find and put on my shoes. That is if I could find my shoes. Then, a bad knot prohibiting me from getting the shoes on properly really slowed me down. Sometimes I had to carry my shoes in hand to the waiting bus. That was embarrassing.
What’s your knot?
For many, their marriage is likened to a difficult knot rather than a strengthening one.
At first, the ease of putting on shoes, even celebrating the achievement of a successful “bunny-eared-shoe-tie,” was grounds for heralding to the world that you were all grown up now—just like your wedding day.
Then, of course, with the travels of the day, inevitably, a knot would arise.
Because the time was not “opportune,” you let it go. But that was a mistake, wasn’t it?
The reason? The knot seemed to get worse, tighter. It may have become stronger, more twisted, more intertwined with other things like clothes. In marriages, that would be children. And you may have begun to resent the laces and longed for a day without shoes.
There is a biblical quote that is often used in a wedding ceremony that says, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken”. The purpose of the quote is to teach the nearly wedded couple that with a unified front of Godliness in the marriage, husband, wife, and God, the nuptials will last. It is a good quote and a true one.
But for some, that third strand is missing and rather than protecting against strain, the other two cords knot up, weaken, and eventually break.
Maybe I am talking about your marriage right now.
Do you feel that no matter what you do, you cannot undo the knots?
Perhaps, you have simply given up and accepted the unpleasant knot. Maybe you are trying but feel like you are doing the work with only one hand. Or worse, could it be that the Gordian Knot solution (simply cutting the knot) is the only way out.
There are many ways to undo a knot. Google it. You will see.
And just like physical knots, relational knots can be repaired, too. Then a proper new knot may emerge.
When God’s people got sideways with him in disobedience, you might say they were knotted up. When they chose to return, God promised to restore the years that had been destroyed.
Except for extreme examples of abuse, abandonment, and adultery, most knots can be undone and redone.
My best advice is watch for the early signs your “laces” are about to knot up and act quickly.
It is not wise to be unwise about your knots.
Kent Simmons is the pastor of Canyon Community Church in Kingman, AZ.
