Dear Editor,
Words are easier than actions. For example, “for better, for worse.” Couples traditionally say these words when they marry. They mean the words at the time. They have no idea what they are saying.
No one can really know what they are saying because they are clueless what the future will bring. Sticking together in marriage is easier when it’s all “for better”. Often life changes direction and it seems everything becomes “for worse.”
Financial difficulties, troubled children, aging parents, life failures, addictions, personality disorders and sickness all have a way of cooling the marital flame.
When a couple first marries everything is about love and nothing else matters. However, eventually everyone faces problems. Sometimes they come early in life and sometimes not until the later years of life. Make no mistake, if you and your spouse live long enough you will face difficulties that will mentally and physically push you to and beyond your limits.
We have to grasp the fact that no matter who you live with there will come a time when you will be a caregiver or need someone to take care of you. The only way to avoid this is to die while you are still physically and mentally independent. There is some kind of weird blessing about just falling over dead or not waking up one morning. It’s a shock to those left behind but you avoid the nursing home and some of the crippling disabilities that eventually happen in life.
None of us want to just fall over dead during our active years. We all want to live to a 100 and then just suddenly move over into heaven. This may be the way you will go and maybe you won’t. None of us know how our lives will end. I suppose it’s best that we don’t know.
If you are blessed with a mate, reach a mutual understanding early on that you are going to see each other through the tough times. It might be all on you to do the caregiving and that’s never easy but it’s easier than being the one inflicted with the illness. If you are the care giver you can get some rest and restore. The person who is sick never gets a break.
Sadly, some people can’t hold out and give up. People are human beings and not machines. People wear down and are often unable to cope when sickness and troubles are more than they can handle. Try to not be condemning of these people as you are not the one living their lives.
If two people can mutually hang tight through the “for worse” period of life they can help each other to discover a little more “better” even during the very worst of times.
For more insights into this column please read First Corinthians chapter 13 from the Bible. Keep in mind that hard times are not easy times but you can find joy and peace by seeing yourself and your mate through the “worse” times of life.
Dr. Glenn Mollette
