I have had the experience of making homemade sausage. To save you a lot of details, there is meat grinding, mixing, spicing, and some other things that go into the sausage. When you and I go to the supermarket, we usually buy our sausage based on the flavor we like. Most of us never ask about or even read the ingredients. We probably are not even interested in the names of the people who got it to the store where we purchase it. What most of us are interested in is the final product.
When you attend a worship service, many are unaware of all that took place that week in preparation for Sunday morning by multiple people. What we participate in on Sunday morning is the culmination of all that work during the week. It is not until you start volunteering or working in a church setting that you see how the proverbial sausage gets made.
When a person comes into church leadership for the first time, they get to see things that they were previously unaware of now up close and personal. What can be quite shocking is that the people who serve faithfully and diligently in the church are regular people with regular problems who are simply sinners in need of becoming more like Jesus. Yes, that even includes pastors, elders, deacons, and teachers. The problem of sin and selfishness permeates everything we touch. The pitfall to all of this is how easily our feelings can get hurt and then our pride takes over and we develop an offense. Worse, we tend to get people to group up with us and be offended alongside us. That is usually the result of gossip which is a great sin.
This very common human reaction can and often does result in a disunity in the church that can ultimately be devastating. Relationships and friendships are fractured, sometimes beyond repair. The reputation of the church in the community suffers. Infighting always results in a stifling of zeal for the mission of the church. That should sound like the devil’s playbook to you. The Apostle Paul warned us about the wiles of the devil.
How do we rightly avoid all of this and handle issues and problems in the church? After all, where two or more are gathered together, eventually there will be disagreements. First, when you realize that something is different, do not automatically assume the worst. Rather assume that there is a reason. Second, ask the appropriate person about whatever got your attention. Allow that person to explain the reason behind the change or difference. Ask with an eagerness to learn and grow rather than with eye toward accusation. You can put someone on the defense before you even ask the question if you avoid the biblical command to be humble. Third, listen to the answer. While listening, assume the person’s heart is in the right place even though you may not agree with their answer or reason.
After you have all the necessary information, ask yourself something very important before you react. Is this a negotiable issue or is it a non-negotiable? A simple way to remember the difference is this; a non-negotiable is a biblical command. Everything else is negotiable. And the worst mistake that any of us can make is to moralize a negotiable. Once we do that, it becomes a hill to die on and most of us cannot swallow our pride and admit we were wrong. Being wrong is a very human experience. We learn often by our mistakes. In the church, let’s obey Jesus and assume the best of each other, avoid gossip, and learn and grow together.
Joe Tolin pastors the Kingman Presbyterian Church.
