Dear Me, My Self and I:
Mere words do not capture the emotions and feelings that I have experienced this year. And yet, that’s okay. It’s okay not to have a full grasp of what has transpired these last 12 months. It’s okay to have more questions than answers. Sometimes wisdom and enlightenment lie in silence, stillness and mystery.
I have walked in tunnels of darkness yet embrace my unique opportunity to re-emerge into the light with grace and empathy, having evolved and been transformed into something far more compassionate and authentic. 2020 has shaken me to the depths of who I was. But I will not surrender, stumble or stop in this journey.
While I might not see or feel it right now, I have more than grown this year. I am transformed!! I have been challenged to not only look at my goals and achievements differently but to also view myself through another lens. Truthful introspection is uncomfortable. Accepting the “Me in the Mirror” each day feels messy, scary and confusing. And that’s okay. It is ok to not be okay – but I choose not to stay that way. The circumstances and challenges at home, work, within my community, and across the world have given and shall continue to give Me unique opportunities to lean into the uncertainty, the untouched and my own un-discovered Self.
I choose to reconcile with the continued social unrest and injustices, and I embrace the calling to make a difference. I choose to make sense of how to fit in this ever-changing landscape of career paths, connectivity and deep work in a distracted world. I have been forced to pivot on the go and to trust more of my own intuition and creative innovation. Self-leadership and self-discipline is now more critical than ever. I choose to place increasing emphasis on courage and truth, as opposed to fear and lies.
I am learning that life is about moments – split moments. I create my canvas. This year has taught me how short and precious Life is. The next breath can be here one day and gone the next night. I confronted my own mortality in 2020. “We the People” mourn icons that have been put on pedestals. I have said my final goodbyes to the heroes in my own families. Yea, even through technology, I am moved deeply to reflect on my Self, family, friends fellow travelers.
I realize, recognize and with grace, embrace My humanity. I accept that this journey to self-discovery is indeed shared. I shall continue to ask “What is the true meaning of my life”. I will continue to choose to navigate uncharted waters in 2021 – and onward. I claim for Me beauty, calm, discovery and wisdom that is found immersed in the tide, in the maelstrom, in these deep waters. My life, My voice and My story have a purpose. It is okay not to have discovered it today. I will not give up, I will not stop exploring. Life isn’t happening to me – it happens for me.
The was no play book for 2020 and no clear vision for 2021. Not yet. I do not, have not and will not have all the “answers” and “whys” tomorrow on Jan. 1, 2021. And maybe not, for a longer while.
This “race marked out and set before me,” this marathon continues to lengthen, grow, and in that growth there is healing. I choose to let go, to learn, to unlearn, to forgive, to discover, to be kind, to love, to lead, to live and to rise. I embrace the power of the Spirit. Now. Today. Tomorrow. And tomorrow’s tomorrow.
His mercies are new every morning. I shall rise. We shall rise. Together. And in the promise, in His Promise, all of these, these thoughts, visions and feelings, all shall in time, times and time again, all will come. Surely they will come.
I, I write this in Love, to Me and to My Self. Yes, and Amen. Selah.
Mark Sippel
Kingman
